Relationship issues can often come up once you leave the dark season of your life and become respectable – you have found your person and left your history in the rear-view mirror.
You feel relationship compromised because healthy isn’t a word you would use to describe what you saw coming up.
Your parents taught you everything not to do so you feel unprepared to do “relationships.” They weren’t a united front. The same arguments came up without any resolution. Nobody relied on each other.
Your significant other doesn’t know your entire backstory.
Where would you start? How do you explain this when you don’t understand it yourself? Who would sign up to be with you if they knew?
You rarely talk about your childhood except to make a dark joke on occasion. You keep it vague or rarely a whole story comes tumbling out at once –
afterwards you panic that you said too much.
Your husband comes from a ‘normal’ family” – when you are with his family all you feel is the difference and watch it from the outside. You have become an expert at dodging questions about your own family.
When there is a problem in your relationship you have no idea how to fix it – what to say, what to do after what you say.
It feels overwhelming and is sharp reminder of what makes you different. Things look very black and white. Sometimes you find yourself acting like the people you swore you would never be and hate yourself when it happens.
You assume when things go south in a relationship that it is your fault.
It is a familiar role for you and feels the most likely.
You have friends but not many tight friendships. Lots of times with friendships it feels like you are their caretaker. They only know so much about you. Even with those that think they are close to you, who know big pieces of your story, there is barrier.
You try not to burden friends with the crazy thoughts in your head.
Because you are sick of yourself so why make everyone on else sick of you too?
You don’t have a mom or sister to call, to share your struggles. You never felt close to your mom – she was exhausting. She never seemed to ‘get you,’ to understand where you were coming from. If you called, she would bring it back to her which makes it worse than if you never bothered.
And admit it – you are afraid you will turn out just like her.
In our work together you will end up feeling more confident, hopeful and like yourself more which makes relationships way easier. You will bring communication struggles to my office weekly and we role play until we find something that works for you. What I love about teaching communication skills and creating boundaries is that it can
legit change your life.
Clients grow confidence, feel hope and get the opportunity for a different relationships with everyone that matters. Sometimes it isn’t about what you say, it is about what you don’t say, what you tolerate and the justifications you make to maintain relationships.
In my practice, clients leave therapy every week with something practical they can use.
What changes after therapy?
You will know clearly what you want and have discernment on who can give it to you. You will know how to apologize; problem solve and walk away. Terror will not hit you if a relationship ends. You will learn from disagreements instead of having the same old arguments. You will no longer subscribe to the belief that the health of your relationship rests solely on your shoulders. You will feel more comfortable in friendships and pick friends better suited for you. You will talk about other things with friends besides what your partner is or is not doing.