When stepparenting sucks
If you are a stepmom I feel you – it’s a ride for only the brave.
So here I am all bright and excited with my stepdaughters at my wedding.
And here we are now – 19 years later. There was a lot in the middle.
You realize being a stepmom is way lonelier than you expected. It feels like everyone versus you. You can’t relate with friends that didn’t marry someone that came with a plus one. Your folks don’t get it. Sometimes you feel pressure to put on a happy face, so folks don’t feel sorry for you. People give you advice that doesn’t apply to a stepfamily. You will meet another stepmom and she will tell you horror stories, warning you to get out now while you still can. You notice a weird dance between power and responsibility – you have no power but all the responsibility if something goes wrong. When something goes right, you get no credit.
You walk into your home feeling like a stranger – there are rules you don’t even agree with, but no one asked. There is a history in this family that you walked into – you weren’t there when it started and feel it every day. How did that happen? You wonder if there will ever be any room in this family for what you need?
Your partner is so crazy sensitive when you point out something you need to address with his child – even when he knows you are right. He says this is an equal partnership, he wants you to do the work of being equals but when it comes down to it – it is not. He gets the last say. Full stop. You love your partner and feel guilty knowing you get along so much better when the kids aren’t here.
How can I help you with scenarios such as this? I can help you put on your own gas mask first. I can get you out of the fray. We can plan to create healthier relationships for you with all the players. I recognize it would be way more appealing if I could get everyone else to play fair and make nice. Often though the exhaustion of step-parenting comes from trying to influence everyone else instead of working on your little part of the kingdom. We can get you to a place where you can enjoy your partner again. You will be able to go days without worrying about what his ex is doing. We can get you solid so no matter what else is happening you don’t go on the roller coaster when someone else does.
Any of the above stated help sound appealing? Contact me below.
One caveat to this, if you have decided the solution to your problem is to limit/decrease your stepchild’s contact with your partner, please know I am not the therapist for you.